Making the decision to homeschool was not easy for me. In fact, I can honestly say it was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made.
I had scheduled an appointment with a dyslexic specialist 100 miles away in September 2019. I spent time researching and felt she would be the most knowledgable in confirming my suspicions that my son, Tanner, was dyslexic. I also helped she could provide some resources and help me create a plan moving forward.
I was able to view some of the testing she did with my son. It was very extensive and extremely heart wrenching to watch him struggle. Being a reading specialist myself, I know what the performance level of a typical student my son’s age looks like. This was not it.
I remember toward the end of our appointment Tanner asked to use the restroom and left the room. The specialist just looked at me and didn’t say a word. When she finally spoke she said the words I knew were coming, but also were terrified to hear. She said, without a doubt, Tanner was dyslexic. She said he is showing characteristics of one of the most profound cases she has ever seen. My heart broke. My heart broke that my son was trying so hard and struggling so much. My heart broke that I didn’t know how to help him.
When I asked her what she thought I should do to help him, she immediately said he needs intensive Orton Gillingham tutoring. She apologized before she spoke her next sentences, because it was at that time she told me I needed to make plans for what I would do when he was retained. In the state of Florida if students do not pass the state standardized test, they are mandated by law to be retained. Thoughts of him not passing this test were already in my mind, but it was devastating to hear a professional share the same thought.
Suddenly I asked her what she thought would happen if I homeschooled him. I don’t even know where this thought came from. Maybe it came from desperation, maybe it was always a hidden desire in me. I don’t know, but I do know her fact lit up and she squealed “YES.” She got excited. Her persona suddenly changed from distraught and feeling sorry for me, to being hopeful. We discussed it for awhile, before I admitted it wasn’t a real possibility for me.
On the way home I held back tears. My heart was calling for me to homeschool, but I’m a single mom and I “knew” that wouldn’t be an option. I had so much fear. I was afraid to even mention it to my parents, and I was even more afraid to mention it to my boyfriend. Would they think I was crazy to voluntarily become unemployed? Would they think I was looking for a handout? All I knew was I wanted to help my son, and I wasn’t going to stop until he received the help he needed.
My fears proved to be unfounded. My parents almost immediately jumped on board and thought it was a great idea. They offered to help me with a budget and be a financial support, if needed. It was really hard for me to open up and talk to my boyfriend about it, but there was no hesitation on his part. He immediately offered his support and agreed that it was a good idea. It was nice to know people were on my side and believed in me.
In October I finalized the decision. I turned in my resignation letter to my school and a few weeks later I informed my son’s school that he would be withdrawing him. I cried on my last day of school. I cried that I was letting my coworkers down. I cried that I was letting so many students down. I cried out of fear.
I’ve let fear control a lot of my life. There have been many obstacles thrown my way in my 32 years and the thought of failing or being hurt has prevented me from always taking leaps of faith.
Fear will not stop me this time.
In one week I will officially be a homeschool mom. We will be successful. Let the journey begin.
